


A Fire in the Kiln

by Pegaraffeasaurus



Series: A Blotch on the Canvas [2]
Category: My Little Pony, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Work
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Mild Language, Minor Violence, Suicidal Thoughts, Suspense
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-24 23:01:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14365563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pegaraffeasaurus/pseuds/Pegaraffeasaurus
Summary: Color Flourish is hiding a dark secret, one not even her son knows about. Can she stay strong through the family drama and painful reminders of the past? Or will she lose it all to a fiery demon bent on hurting those she loves?





	1. Promise

~ _June, 14 years ago_ ~

Color Flourish awoke with a grunt, finding herself lying on the hard concrete floor of her studio. Groaning again, she sat up and put her hoof to her head, trying to assess her situation. Her mane was a mess, her fur splayed out the wrong direction in places, and her head was pounding. She had no recollection of the past twelve hours, and she certainly did not know when or how she’d gotten back to the studio. She noticed that one of the plastic sheets she normally used to cover works in progress had been thrown over her haphazardly to act as a sort of blanket. She was confused over how she could have consciously made the decision to sleep on the floor of all places.

Color Flourish squinted and tried to pull yesterday’s memories together. She remembered feeling anger, frustration, depression… But over what? Whatever it was that had put her in this state of emotion, she remembered it had driven her out of the studio… She was going someplace unfamiliar, somewhere she didn’t normally visit- A certain restaurant, perhaps? Suddenly a wave of nausea swept away her effort to remember, and she forced herself up weakly to look for the bathroom.

After an unpleasant episode of vomiting and surging headaches, she dragged herself upstairs to her bedroom to rest. Sickly and exhausted, she cocooned herself in a blanket on her bed and peered out the little window that overlooked the street of neighboring shops and Ponyville cottages. She held her stomach making an uneasy face and continued to puzzle over the hours so strongly obliterated from her memory. Her symptoms were that of a hangover, but surely it couldn’t be; she rarely touched alcohol and whenever she did, she certainly never overindulged herself. Although, it would explain the amnesia… She found her breath reeked of beer when she tested it against her hooves. So it was a bar. She must have gone to a bar yesterday. It was at this point that she decided whatever had possessed her to make such a stupid decision was probably something worth forgetting anyway.

Color Flourish awoke again from a far more pleasant nap in her soft bed a few hours later. She was pleased to discover that the effects of her hangover had died down greatly, and she went downstairs to feed herself food that would help her function properly. It was after she made herself a snack and checked in on the shop portion of her studio that she was reminded of one of the many things that had been adding to her stress. Business had been very slow lately, and she’d made no profit whatsoever for the past five days. The upside to this at the very least was that she could have more free time to work on her personal projects.

She turned back around, stepping into the studio room, and observed the personal works she’d started throughout the week. One in particular immediately drew her attention; she let out a sigh upon seeing it, half smiling. It was a painting of a black stallion with glossy orange eyes, his mane yet to be colored. She couldn’t help but hate herself sometimes for setting her heart so stubbornly on him, especially since he was the husband and a father of a separate family now. She still couldn’t understand what it was that was so wrong with her which had made Lightning Dash stop loving her, and why he would probably never love her again. She tried to dismiss these morbid thoughts by thinking of Clover, Lightning’s sweet little two-year-old daughter. She would watch the filly from her bedroom window every time she and her family went down the street to go to the park, waddling on her little toddler hooves and laughing with her parents. She wished she could have a filly like that. Sometimes, she wished Clover _was_ her daughter. To be in her mother’s place was so bold a thought, a feeling so wrong but so right, that it made Color Flourish’s heart flutter with excitement every time she had it. And every time, it was always a stab in the chest to know that it would never happen.

Both out of embarrassment and grief, Color Flourish decided thinking about Clover any more would only keep riling her up. She mentally changed the subject- Her goal was made.

Today would be the day she finished that painting.

~ ~ ~

Color Flourish watched her son trotting beside her, cherishing every little aspect of his character. She loved the way he seemed to subconsciously put a little bounce in his step depending on his mood, and the way his red-orange eyes would sparkle when he was gleeful. She loved his white hooves that looked like socks against his navy blue coat, and the unusual purple splash of fur on his chest. After all that she’d put him through in the past couple days, she felt like she didn’t deserve such a beautiful, smart child. She was very impressed with how maturely he’d spoken to the adults at the hospital, and was baffled at how he could ever have found the bravery she herself had been lacking to talk to his father for the first time.

Color Flourish smiled.

“I’m very proud of you, Blotch. I hope you know that.”

“Yep! I know,” he chortled.

She chuckled back.

“Oh, Blotchy. I’m so sorry. You don’t deserve to be put through all of this.”

“It’s fine, Momma, really.”

“Well, no, it’s not fine. You’d probably have a better life if I’d just been a little more mature, and responsible…”

She began to choke on her wavering voice.

“Momma…”

Flourish cleared her throat and readjusted her tone.

“Ahem- If I had just done the right thing from the beginning, we’d probably have something better than what we do now. And I’m just- I’m so proud of you for being able to do what I can’t. I’m a terrible mother.”

Color Blotch looked almost offended.

“Momma, don’t say that. That’s not fair. You’ve done the best you can, and that’s what matters.”

Color Flourish smiled through the tears on her cheeks.

“Oh, come here, you.”

Flourish held her son close. Blotch embraced his mother in return.

“I love you, Momma. I always will.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“The day I lose your love is the day I lose purpose in life, Blotch. You are everything to me. Never forget that.”

 

“I won’t forget.”


	2. Return

~ _June, 14 years ago_ ~

Color Flourish gathered her materials to pick up where she’d left off on the Lightning Dash portrait. As usual, she had been dawdling, and it was already late in the afternoon. While digging around for a specific brush among the shelves of art supplies, reminders, and mementos in the studio room, she felt her eyes catching things that were leading her further and further off track. She finally decided to give in to her distraction and put off the search for the brush to gaze at the preserved memories of her past. As she picked up a group photo of her family, taken when she was only ten years old, she felt a sickening feeling of guilt come over her. She closed herself off from so many ponies these days, and she’d forgotten how she never visited her parents or her sister as often as she ought to.

...Family.

The word rang through her head as it occurred to her that this was something she might never have of her own. Would she be alone forever? Was this as far as destiny would allow her to go? Color Flourish was already twenty-nine, and she had no one. All of her close friends had married and some were even starting to have kids. There was no one for her. No one who didn't already have a family of their own, anyway. She breathed hard, trying to keep the pain from spilling out of her eyes. She set the picture back down on the shelf slowly.

Right behind it, a dusty frame announced its presence with a small dirty cloud, set off by the sudden movement of Color Flourish’s hoof. She picked the framed photo up and gently rubbed the dust off the glass. Her heart jolted. It was a picture of Lightning Dash and herself with their hooves around one another’s shoulders. It would’ve lightened her heart to see herself spending time with Lightning again if it hadn’t been for the date on which the photo was taken. She did not have to take the picture out of the frame to know when it was from. She remembered every last detail of her breakup with Lightning; everything from the length of his mane to the look of hidden pain in his eyes. The fact that she was still smiling in the photo told her that he had not yet given her the news that he was dating somepony else at the time the picture was taken.

Trying to forget what happened those six years ago, Color Flourish slammed the picture back on the shelf with unnecessary violence and returned to the portrait. Right, she was looking for that brush. She didn’t care anymore. Any brush would be fine, just as long as she could finish this piece before the sun shined the last of its light for the day.

As she carelessly flung paint from palette to canvas, her unstable emotions got the best of her. She cried, whimpered and even screamed intermittently as she tried unsuccessfully to make a mere base color for the mane. Horrible thoughts filled her head, and her paint strokes became uncontrolled and jittery. Trying desperately to get a grip on herself, she took deep breaths and stopped using vigorous motions.

She could get through this. She could find happiness one way or another. She sat in silence trying to recover, keeping as calm and collected as she possibly could. Still breathing deeply, she acknowledged that she had created quite a mess of violet on the canvas. She could fix it up easily with that blending spell she’d developed.

She held the paints out in front of her, her horn lighting up in a sparkling turquoise haze. But when the colors began to mix, she immediately felt something unusual. A strange sensation ran through her body, and the light radiating from her horn grew in brightness. She felt a powerful surge of magical energy course through her, saw a bright flash, and then half sensed a dull pain as she fell to the ground, everything going black.

~ ~ ~

Color Flourish and Color Blotch walked through the door to their home, both of them stepping back into the studio for the first time since Color Flourish was hospitalized three days ago. It was a revitalizing relief to breathe in the familiar fragrance of paint, clay, and lacquered wood once again. Her heart still bore a certain heavy presence from seeing Lightning Dash after so long, but Color Flourish knew she had to stay strong for Color Blotch. She was tired of appearing so helpless and negligent around her poor son, whom she felt had to do far more than he needed to for his age, all because of her selfish despair.

Blotch followed her to the small dining area in the kitchen and sat at the table, pondering what to do with the rest of summer break before school started again. His mother seemed to read his mind as she sat beside him.

“Ready for your last year of middle school?”

“Yeah. Well, maybe.”

“Why maybe?”

“Oh, you know… I just don’t want to go back to school again so soon. Summer is never long enough.”

“I know how you feel, honey. But I know you’re going to do just fine. And hey, you’ll get to see all your friends again.”

“I know. I guess I’m just a little stressed.”

Color Blotch sighed and rested his head on the table. Color Flourish stroked his mane and kissed his forehead.

“Oh sweetie. Try not to think about it too much. Why don’t you sketch your anxiety out?”

She smiled warmly at him when she saw that his ears perked up at the idea. Color Blotch summoned his supplies from the studio room with his magic and began scribbling on a fresh page almost immediately. Color Flourish laughed, startled by his haste.

“Gosh, I sure wish I could get inspiration as quickly as you do.”

She hesitated for a moment, before suddenly turning to Color Blotch again.

“Goodness! When was the last time you ate?”

“Um… I don’t really remember. They fed me at the hospital while I was with you, though.”

“Oh, that’s good. I was worried that you hadn’t had anything all day. Still, if you can’t remember when you last ate, that’s a good sign that you probably need to eat. How does a peanut-butter-jelly sandwich sound?”

“Sounds good.”

Color Flourish smiled and patted him on the back.

“Atta boy.”

As she stepped into the kitchen, she reminisced on all that had happened in the last few days. Color Blotch had told her what her unconscious mind was unable to remember; he’d found Lightning Dash and they had brought her to the hospital together. She winced at how idiotic she must’ve appeared to Lightning Dash, whom she had probably brought a great deal of unnecessary stress upon after he learned he had a son he was never told about for thirteen years.

Suddenly, a horrible lurching sensation in her chest made Color Flourish drop the plate she was holding. A voice that was not her own spoke in a blood-curdling tone inside her head.

 

“ _He has hurt you again. He must pay._ ”


	3. Panic

~  _ July, 14 years ago  _ ~

Color Flourish stared at all three test results, perplexed. She had felt nauseous the past couple days. It had been about two weeks since her hangover, and she knew hangovers didn’t last for two weeks.

She didn’t know how long she’d been sitting there in the bathroom, spacing out in front of the positive pregnancy tests. Of course she was scared- But there were also aspects of motherhood that did not scare her. She was afraid of the general pain of carrying and birthing, which indeed ought to be a normal fear for any mother to have, yet it was parenthood that she did not fear. What was there to worry about, after all? It was true she didn’t know who the father was, and chances were she would have to raise the child alone, but something inside of her made her feel prepared. In fact, it was practically a blessing. Hadn’t she been feeling lonely? She would have a child now- her own flesh and blood- to love, nurture and protect.

Color Flourish finally snapped out of her trance and got up, holding her hoof to her head. Why did this happen? How? She still had no idea when or with whom she’d gotten pregnant. She knew that whoever the father was certainly deserved to know that he had a child with her, but how on Equestria was she going to find him?

Color Flourish shook her head and sighed. For now, it looked like she would just have to let whatever might come to pass happen and hope for the best. She smiled. She was a mother now. And she was thankful for it.

~ ~ ~

Color Blotch looked up in alarm at the sound of breaking ceramics in the kitchen.

“Momma? Is everything okay in there?”

When the only response that came back was a weak wincing noise, he got up from the table at once and rushed to the kitchen. He saw the shattered plate next to his quivering mother, who was facing away from him.

“Momma, what’s going on? Are you hurt?”

Color Blotch reached out to touch Color Flourish’s shoulder. He was startled when she turned around, her face suddenly covered in sweat.

“Blotch. I need you to take me to my room. Don’t let me out until I say so.”

“...No. I can't let you do this again so soon, Momma. You need to be strong. I know it’s hard to face the past, but you need to let it go.”

Color Flourish’s expression grew grave.

“No, Blotch, you don't understand! That’s not why I lock myself away!”

Suddenly she yelped, doubling over in pain. Her son could only watch in confusion and worry.

“Listen to me. She’s been getting stronger, and I don’t think I’ll be able to hold her back this time. Lock me in my room, and don't let me out.”

“‘She’? Who’s ‘she'? Momma, please tell me what’s going on!”

“I’m sorry Blotch, but there’s no time to explain! We need to go upstairs!”

Color Flourish dragged herself to the stairwell next to the studio room, still clutching her sides. When Color Blotch tried to help her up the steps, she recoiled and shouted in pain once more. Huddled up in a ball at the foot of the stairs, she let out a few pained moans before gradually going completely quiet.

There was a long and uncomfortable silence. Her son approached her cautiously, torn between fear and concern.

“...Momma?”

Color Flourish whipped around, her eyes aglow in a fiery blaze. Color Blotch stared in horror at what appeared to be fangs beginning to protrude from his mother’s teeth. When she spoke, an unfamiliar voice that was deep and piercing met Blotch's ears.

“ _ RUN! _ ”

The only thing keeping Color Blotch from obeying his mother’s command was the shock that glued his hooves to the floor. By the time he was finally able to back away, Flourish’s limbs appeared to be turning a harsh shade of orange. Blotch stumbled through the studio as quickly as he could to get to the front door in the shop. Panting, he looked back quickly to catch sight of a bright flash emanating from the studio room.

He had barely touched the doorknob when something snatched him by the waist and flung him back through the doorway to the studio.

Trying to recover from being thrown into several heavy boxes, Color Blotch looked up shakily to find not his mother, but a tall, orange mare wearing bronze-colored armor and a ferocious glare. Her mane and eyes glowed and flickered like flames, giving her the appearance of being shrouded in fire.

Blotch gasped several times as if to scream, but before he could make a sound, a turquoise mist engulfed him and he suddenly felt as though his voice had been sucked out of his throat.

“Hush, boy. We don’t want to draw any attention to ourselves, now, do we?”

The mare ushered Color Blotch, still trapped in a cloud of magic, towards herself so that he met her eyes only inches away from her face. She smiled at him in a way that made his fur stand on end.

“Do you know who I am?”

Color Blotch felt his voice return to him, but he could not utter a word.

“SPEAK!” she demanded.

“...M- momma?” he whimpered softly.

The mare responded with a startling guffaw. Color Blotch’s wide, terror-struck eyes dared not blink.

“I’ll have you know, sweetheart, that I am most certainly not your  _ mommy _ . Your mother is a weakling, and by the looks of it, so are you. That naive little creature; she thinks everyone deserves a second chance. Color Flourish has given Lightning Dash one chance too many if you ask me. That’s why I’m here. To end this stupidity once and for all.”

She paused, as if expecting a comment from her audience member, and carried on when he only stared blankly at her.

“Not the talkative type, are you? Fine by me. In case you were unaware, Color Flourish seeks an impossible goal; she thinks that Lightning Dash ruined her life, but he doesn’t deserve punishment for it. I’ve tried reasoning with her the easy way, but she’s driven me too far for me to bother hiding the fact that ponies will have to get hurt. Now the time has come. At last, I can- I can finally be an entity separate from her. Our souls are no longer joined! I am my own pony!”

The volume of the mare’s voice rose dramatically in her excitement.

“From now on, I will go by a new name, free from her choice! All shall know me as…  _ PASTEL PANIC!!! _ ”

Pastel Panic’s eyes and mane flared up in agreement with her mood as she let out a wild cackle of mad joy.

Before Color Blotch had time to think, Pastel Panic released him from her magical grasp and allowed him to fall to the floor loudly. He clenched his eyes shut and yelped when the floor beneath his back knocked the wind out of him. Trying to figure out what he could do to somehow stop her, Blotch opened his eyes to find he was too late.

 

With a flash and a bang, Pastel Panic had vanished.


	4. Uninvited Guest

~  _ May, 13 years ago _ ~

The feeling Color Flourish was experiencing now was like no other feeling she had felt in her life. Nothing else in the world mattered at this moment. Nothing else but him. After eleven long months of waiting, she was now cradling her newborn son in her hooves. He was no doubt the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen.

The little blue colt slowly opened his eyes and took his first ever glance at his mother’s face. She was numb to the tears streaming down her cheeks, smiling in the most joyous, sincere grin she had ever smiled in. He tried to imitate her smile, squinting his eyes and cooing as he did so. Color Flourish laughed softly and touched her muzzle to his forehead.

She examined every inch of his beauty, her eyes resting on the curious birthmark which looked as though a blotch of purple paint had splashed onto his chest. He was a brightly colored blotch on the canvas of her life. A blotch that completed the whole painting. He may have started out as a mistake, like most blotches, but Color Flourish had done what all good artists do; she had turned a mistake into a work of art. Color Flourish held her darling Color Blotch close to her chest. They were officially united as mother and son- artist and masterpiece.

~ ~ ~

For the past three days, Lightning Dash felt his life had been shifted out of place. It was hard to know what to do next. He knew he would have to contact Color Flourish and arrange something eventually, but for now, he needed to focus on mending his own family back together. Derpy had evidently taken the news of all that had happened badly, and Lightning’s silent confusion was not helping her state. Clover seemed to be handling everything just fine, however her mother’s negativity was beginning to rub off on her.

But then again, what specifically did “his own family” mean anymore? Color Blotch, as he now knew, was his son, and he felt the same responsibility for him as he did for his daughter. Then there was Color Flourish to worry about. Lightning Dash found that the most stressful part of the situation was figuring out how to include Color Flourish in his family without flaring up conflict with Derpy. Lightning’s anger over Flourish hiding the truth for so long had subsided when he realized why she might have been trying to hide it from him in the first place. Perhaps by the time Color Flourish had discovered who Color Blotch's father was, she worried that her son had grown old enough for it to become too much of a burden on Lightning Dash and Derpy if she had tried to jump into their family, so she tried to keep everything a secret. Looking back on it all, the situation really wasn’t as bad as it had seemed before. With time and proper communication, Lightning Dash felt everything would turn out alright.

This particular afternoon, Derpy was finally beginning to soften up a little more, but she had requested of Lightning Dash to be left alone while she thought everything over. Seeking company, Lightning checked in on Clover. Clover did not look up when she heard her father step into her room; she lay on her beanbag chair staring into the distance, her mind lost in thought.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

“Hi Dad.”

Lightning Dash lay down next to her on the beanbag. He rested his cheek on his hoof, observing Clover’s thoughtful expression.

“...What’re you thinking about?”

Clover paused before answering, shifting her posture.

“I don’t know. You. Mom. My new brother. My new mom. I feel- ...excited. I’m glad to get some new blood around here. But at the same time, there’s just something that feels off- Like this won't turn out well.”

Lightning Dash furrowed his brow and wrapped his wing around his daughter comfortingly.

“What makes you think that?”

“I honestly don’t know. I mean… I guess it’s just Mom… she’s been so pessimistic lately.”

Clover turned over and huddled next to her father, accepting his hug.

“Yeah, I know she has, honey. But things are going to get better soon, trust me-”

“Dad.”

Clover suddenly looked up at Lightning with a grave expression. Startled, his eyes widened.

“What if Mom can’t accept them? What if she can’t accept Color Blotch?”

“That’s what I’m trying to say, she will-”

“But what if she doesn’t? Will she always be like this?”

Clover’s voice began to waver.

“I wasn’t stressed before, but you guys are stressing out, a-and now it’s making me stress out-”

Clover began sobbing softly and hugged Lightning Dash tighter. Lightning soothingly pet the back of her head in response.

“Oh, Clover. You worry too much.”

Clover sniffed and looked up at her father again. He smiled.

“You know, you really are your mother’s daughter. I keep telling her she doesn’t have to worry about everything all the time, but she just cares about everypony too much to give it up.”

Clover smiled back at him briefly and then sighed.

“I just want us to be happy, like the way we were before this all started.”

“Don’t worry. It’ll be like nothing ever changed.”

A sudden loud popping noise coming from the other room startled the father and daughter out of their peaceful session. As they both stood up to investigate, the sound of a heavy thud soon followed. Lightning Dash crept warily towards the doorway, trying to peer down the hall to see what had caused the ruckus. Skeptically, he called out to the living room.

“...Derpy? Is that you, honey?”

When no response came back, Lightning turned towards Clover.

“I’m going to go see what’s going on. Stay here, Clover. I don’t want anything happening to you.”

“Oh c’mon, Dad. Are you forgetting that  _ you _ raised me? I can defend myself just fine.”

“Fine, but keep it down. It could be a burglar.”

“I’m sure it’s no big deal.”

Slowly sneaking down the hallway, Lightning Dash narrowed his eyes, preparing himself for attack. Clover trailed behind him wonderingly.

The sight that greeted them in the living room was far beyond what either of them had expected.

“Ah, there you are. I’ve been looking all over for you.”

Pastel Panic grinned, baring her large, sharp teeth. Lightning Dash found himself at a loss for words in her sudden menacing presence. Frightened, Clover’s instincts told her to duck out of view, into the hallway.

Lightning weakly built up the nerve to say something.

“...Ah- Who-”

“-Am I? How nice of you to ask. You may call me Pastel. But I’m afraid I’m not here to make friendly negotiations.”

Pastel Panic’s voice grew increasingly sinister as she spoke.

“W-what are you doing here then?” Lightning Dash stammered. Pastel Panic slowly approached Lightning so that her muzzle nearly touched his.

“I’m here…  _ to eliminate you _ ,” she whispered. It was then that her face lost its mischievous smirk and began to show pure hatred. She stepped back into a recoiled stance, her horn lighting up as it gathered power.

“No! Stop it!”

Clover suddenly darted out of the hallway and tugged at her father’s chest, trying to pull him away from Pastel Panic’s aim.

“Clover, no!” Lightning Dash panicked.

Upon seeing Clover, something deep inside Pastel Panic made her hesitate. The influence of Color Flourish's conscience was fighting back for control, desperately trying to keep a fellow parent from losing their child. Pastel Panic shook away Color Flourish’s accursed thoughts from her mind and attempted to continue carrying out her mission.

But before she could do anything, a gray mare sped out of the nearest room and appeared to shoot something at her. There was an odd stinging on the side of Pastel Panic’s neck. Suddenly she felt faint, and sensed her body shrinking, transforming back into Color Flourish.

The last things Color Flourish saw were three blurry, shocked faces.

 

Then darkness engulfed her.


	5. Prison

Color Flourish peered drowsily through heavy eyelids, an unfamiliar hard surface pressing against her cheek. A sleep-induced glaze still clouding her vision, all she could do was listen. She heard a voice coming from above.

“...Subject number five hundred thirty-two, holding cell number five. Full name: Color Flourish. Unicorn, female, forty-three years of age. Self-employed as an illustrator, owns a studio in Ponyville. No known spouse or romantic partner. Has a son named Color Blotch, thirteen years of age.”

Subject? Holding cell? What was this place? How did they know so much about her? Color Flourish opened her eyelids further and stared at the ground until her vision regained focus. Weakly, she stood up and observed her surroundings.

She appeared to be confined within a spacious and empty cube-shaped room, one of its polished white walls transparent; her only window to the environment outside the cell. This window gave nothing much else to view other than a solid gray wall, parallel and equal in height to the cell, and the hallway that divided them. In the gray wall, near the ceiling, was a dark pane of glass, most likely a one-way mirror of sorts.

The disembodied voice suddenly rang loudly out of nowhere, making Color Flourish jump a little.

“She’s awake! Attention all security units, the subject is active! Take your positions and stand by!”

Color Flourish watched with increasing confusion as a team of thickly armored unicorns assembled and stood poised in front of her cell window. Timidly, she stepped forward to get a better look at them. As she did so, two of the guards nearest her tensed up their stance, preparing for attack. They seemed so angry at her. No, not angry- frightened. Why were they afraid of her? What could she have done to make these ponies believe she was so dangerous?

She shivered with realization. The last thing she could remember was fighting with Pastel Panic for control of her body. Had she lost the fight? Had Pastel successfully possessed her at last? Oh dear Celestia. She must have done something awful if these ponies expected she would ever try to hurt someone. She decided the best thing to do at the moment was to express that she intended no harm.

“Please, I’m not hurting anypony! Can someone explain to me what’s going on?” she called out to the dark window.

There was a long pause. The guards perked their ears up expectantly, waiting for an order to follow.

“...Frontal units fall back,” the voice directed. The guards left the hallway.

“Send in Agent Hooves for questioning.”

Color Flourish was familiar with that name. The first face that came to mind was a certain blonde-maned gray pegasus. But surely it wasn't  _her_ … That wouldn't make any sense.

When Derpy Hooves of all ponies stepped up to meet Color Flourish at the window, Flourish’s jaw dropped slightly, her doubts disproven. She was dressed in an unusual military-style uniform, wearing a stylishly subtle eyepatch over what Flourish realized was her lazy eye. Color Flourish tried to understand what her face was conveying. Derpy’s unreadable sculpture of an expression left Color Flourish wondering whether Derpy wanted to hurt her or if she simply had no emotion at all.

“Please tell me your name,” Derpy instructed.

Color Flourish paused, startled.

“But… You know my name, missus Hoov-”

“You will refer to me as ‘ma’am’ and nothing else, do you understand?”

Color Flourish wilted beneath Derpy’s powerful voice.

“Y-yes, ma’am,” Flourish sputtered.

Unknown to Color Flourish, Derpy was under orders to use harsh tone to get more useful responses out of her. Derpy herself couldn't tell whether she was faking her anger or not.

“Now. Tell me your name. Tell me what you think your name is at this very moment.”

“...Color Flourish, ma’am.”

“Is that so? I’ve received multiple reports from witnesses that you also call yourself Pastel Panic. Is this true?”

“...No, that is not what I call myself. That is what she calls herself.”

“So you mean to suggest that this ‘Pastel Panic’ is a pony separate from you?” Derpy pressed on.

Color Flourish felt like she was shrinking beneath Derpy’s crushing presence.

“Yes, ma’am, that's correct. She is not me, and I am not her.”

“Hm. Interesting. Witnesses Color Blotch and Lightning Dash seem to think otherwise. I suppose we’ll just have to believe that you’re not making things up to protect yourself, then,” Derpy stabbed back.

“ _Please_ , I know it sounds crazy, but it’s the truth, she acts apart from- Wait- Did you say Color Blotch was a witness? Where is he? Is he okay? I need to see him! Did she do something to him? Please, just tell me he’s okay!”

Color Flourish was suddenly on the verge of hyperventilating. Her son could be hurt, and it would be all her own fault. She could not imagine any feeling worse than the one she felt now.

Derpy was somewhat disgusted with Flourish’s lack of concern for Lightning Dash at first, but something tugged at her empathy spot. If Clover was hurt and she had no way of knowing if she was alright, nothing else would matter to her either. Derpy’s voice softened slightly.

“He has a few bruises, but he’s fine. He has agreed to stay temporarily confined here for his own safety.”

Color Flourish released a shuddering breath of relief. At least he was safe, and not in any critical condition.

Although… He had been entangled in some sort of violence.

“Bruises… She left _bruises_ … on my baby...” Flourish mumbled, staring down at her hooves.

Pastel had used her body to hurt her son, enough to leave a mark even. That was the final straw. She needed to figure out how to get rid of her, and she needed to do it soon.

As Color Flourish's face began to change, Derpy tried to search for any indications of guilt in her body language. The reaction she was expecting to see was sadness or sorrow- instead, Color Flourish started to look as though she was about to murder someone.

“You have to help me. There must be some way to get this monster out of me. I want her destroyed before she can hurt anypony else.”

Through her lack of guilt, Derpy decided that Color Flourish was most likely telling the truth. Considering past events, the evidence did indeed add up to prove that she was under the influence of a nightmare, but these cases weren't exactly all that common, so it was standard procedure to rule out any criminal intent. Nightmare or not, Derpy still felt strange about Color Flourish’s involvement in her family, but she needed to put those feelings aside. Her work was what mattered now.

The severity of Pastel Panic’s growth as a nightmare was still yet to be determined. Regardless, Derpy had just been successful in her mission to discover more about Pastel Panic and the dangerously large amounts of magic she was able to wield. It was now confirmed by all witnesses and the host herself that this nightmare was a particularly harmful one, and such a weapon should be controlled, if not destroyed.

Seeing her objective completed, Derpy toned down the bad-cop act and spoke in a calming voice.

 

“I’m glad you’ve asked us to get her out of you, miss Flourish, because that is exactly what we have brought you here to do.”


	6. Lies

It was Color Flourish’s fifth day of being confined in the mysterious prison, whatever it really was. She had asked at least two or three times where she was being held after she found herself on friendly terms with her cell holders, but the only response she would get back was that it was “confidential”.

She had been willing to participate in the research they were conducting at first, but the increasing secrecy and apparent failures of the tests they performed on her were making her begin to lose hope.

Today, however, was a special day, because she would finally get to see Color Blotch for the first time in nearly a week. She paced back and forth anxiously in her cell, trying to think of how to greet him after the traumatizing incident he had to endure the last time they were together.

Suddenly a short chirping alarm sounded from the hallway, signifying that she had a visitor. Color Flourish grinned in excitement as Moon Shadow, Color Blotch’s godmother, approached the window-wall of the cell. Shadow had been assuming the position of Color Blotch’s guardian until Color Flourish could be released. Flourish really had no idea what she’d do without her. Moon Shadow had been there to help her when Color Blotch was just an infant, and she’d been excellent at foalsitting whenever Flourish would have to go away.

Color Flourish trotted up to her at the window gleefully, happy to see a familiar face.

“Moony! Oh, it’s so good to see you! What’s the news? How’s Blotch doing?”

“He’s fine,” Moon Shadow replied blankly.

“Do I get to see him now? Or is that later?”

Moon Shadow did not answer, looking as though it pained her to make eye contact with Color Flourish.

“...Moony? Are you okay? What happened?”

“Color Blotch- ...doesn't want to see you right now,” she spoke hesitantly.

Color Flourish felt an emotional needle pierce through her heart.

“Wh- ...What? Why, what’s wrong? Is he… afraid of me?”

“No, it’s not that…”

Moon Shadow hung her head and sighed.

“It’s just-”

She paused, looking away stiffly before meeting Flourish’s worried gaze again.

“Flourish, Lightning Dash isn’t Color Blotch’s father.”

Color Flourish’s pounding heart stopped in place.

But… it couldn’t be true. She had tested Color Blotch many years ago, she  _ knew _ Lightning Dash was his father…

Or did she?

Her eyes became stricken with terror.

Had her previously Lightning-obsessed mind deceived her? Had she really been lying to herself all this time? She had been so convinced…

“H-how do you know?” Color Flourish finally stuttered.

“The medical examiners found out while they were running some tests on Blotch,” Moon Shadow replied solemnly.

Color Flourish sank to the floor limply and stared at the ground, a quiet whimper of defeat escaping her lips.

What was she to do now? She had nopony to blame but herself for this. This was a mistake she could not excuse herself from. She had lied to everyone she cared about without knowing it. None of them could trust her anymore. Not Lightning Dash, not his family… Not even Color Blotch. He probably hated her now. She had raised him to think his father was somepony he wasn’t, and he’d looked up to that stallion his whole life without even meeting him, all because of a lie. Color Flourish felt sick.

Suddenly, she noticed a fleck of deep blue enter the edge of her vision. Her gaze darted upward at it.

Color Blotch was standing in the hallway, just barely close enough so that Color Flourish was able to see him from the far corner of the window. So he wanted to see her after all. Had he wanted to see his mother’s reaction to the news? Did he want her face to tell him it wasn’t true?

Color Flourish called out to him.

“Blotch!”

He turned away to leave.

“No, please! Don’t go! I’m sorry!”

Tears began to sting her eyes.

“Baby, I’m sorry! I love you- so much...”

Color Blotch hesitated and hung his head. He looked at her with heartbroken eyes, then shook his head slowly before galloping away.

Color Flourish felt as though a black hole had just spawned in her chest. She had lost her son’s love. The light of her life, extinguished. Why was she Color Blotch’s mother? Surely some other mare should have been his mother, not her. A mare who could tell him the truth, and keep him happy, and be responsible enough to have raised him with his real father.

Before Color Flourish could finish her thought, a new visitor caused the alarm to sound again, and Moon Shadow began to exit back down the hallway.

“W-wait, who is it?” Color Flourish called, before Moon Shadow could step out of her sight.

“...Forgive me for this, Flouri,” was all she answered.

As Moon Shadow approached Lightning Dash in the hallway, she stuck her wing out in front of him abruptly and leaned towards his ear.

“Behave yourself,” she hissed, “ _ or else. _ ”

She gave him a final scolding glare, then allowed him to pass.

Color Flourish dared not make a noise as soon as Lightning Dash came into her view. She felt slightly relieved when she noticed he looked more tired than angry, but she would not let her guard down. Color Flourish tensed her body, preparing for the worst.

“Color Flourish.”

Lightning Dash sat down in front of her and looked her directly in the eye. She tried her hardest to keep from looking away, so as not to show any sign of disrespect. He paused for a moment, closing his eyes and sighing.

“I just- I have one question for you.”

“...Yes?” Color Flourish whispered.

“Why?” Lightning Dash asked.

It was a long second before she realized he was waiting for a response from her.

“...Why wha-”

“Why did you lie to him? To me?” he interrupted. Color Flourish’s lips quivered.

“I… I made a mistake, Dash-”

“No, you didn’t make a mistake, you maliciously lied. You lied for years. How can you live with yourself?”

“...I  _ can’t _ live with myself,” she mumbled, shocked.

“I was prepared to accept you into my family, I trusted you! Do you know what you did to us? First you nearly tear me and my wife apart, then you threaten my daughter’s life?!”

Lightning Dash’s shouts echoed in Color Flourish’s head. She had no idea she had tried to hurt Clover. She knew vaguely from witness accounts that Pastel Panic had entered his home and attempted to attack, but her heart withered even more knowing Pastel had put Clover in danger.

Lightning Dash wrinkled his snout in disgust.

“I can’t believe you got me to help you. I actually felt bad for you. What kind of sick monster do you think you are?”

“Lightning, I’m sorry! You know I can’t control her-”

“THAT’S A LIE!” he bellowed. “There is no ‘her'! You’re the monster! You  _ are _ her! You need to stop making things up and start taking the blame for the crimes  _ you _ committed!!”

Color Flourish was doing everything she could to keep from collapsing to the floor and weeping like a chastised child.

“Color Blotch deserves so much better than you. You’ve done nothing but hurt him and my family.”

Color Flourish could no longer hold back the tears.

“I know he does- I have-” she sobbed.

“You’re weak, you’re  _ pathetic _ ! I should never have helped you to the hospital, I should have left you at your studio-”

“ _ DASH! _ That’s _ enough!! _ ” a mare’s voice shouted.

 

And with that, Lightning Dash left Color Flourish lying on the floor, her body shivering with the pain of his words.


	7. Reignited

“What do you think you’re doing?” Derpy asked her husband as he met her at the end of the corridor.

“...I followed instructions, didn’t I?” he grunted.

“You did, but you went way too far. Why would you say those things to her? Do you want her to go suicidal on us?”

“A little, yeah.”

“What has gotten into you?! That mare needs help! We’re trying to get rid of that  _ parasite _ , not her altogether!”

“Well, maybe it would be easier to solve the problem if she just didn’t exist,” Lightning Dash muttered darkly.

Derpy gaped at his words.

“You don’t mean that.”

Dash didn’t answer. He continued to stare off into the distance, doing everything he could to keep from showing the anger boiling inside of him.

Derpy sighed and tried a less scolding approach.

“Dash, honey, I’m just concerned. This isn’t like you,” she soothed.

She placed her hoof gently on his back. His muzzle twitched.

“I think you just need some time to cool off, and then you’ll understand-”

Dash whipped around and grabbed Derpy’s hoof, startling a sharp gasp out of her.

“Understand? You think I don’t understand? You’re the one who doesn’t understand! She tried to hurt our Clover, Derpy! She put all of us in danger! She’s a  _ criminal! _ Can’t you see? She’s lying!  _ Lying! _ ”

Lightning Dash's booming voice sent shivers down Derpy’s spine, almost drowning out the pain coming from her front left hoof.

“Dash,” she whispered, “you’re hurting me.”

He stood still a moment, confused, before he finally realized that Derpy was referring to her hoof, which Lightning was nearly crushing now in his grasp. He released her, exhaling uneasily.

“I-I’m sorry…” he mumbled, the regret of his actions beginning to dawn on his face.

Derpy stared at the floor, trying to collect herself. She hated when he got like this. It didn’t happen often, but it still happened.

She approached him slowly and embraced him with a gentle touch, sensing his shivers.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” he wavered.

“Shhh, it’s okay…” Derpy whispered.

“Everything will work out, Dashie. I just think we need to spend a little time apart-”

“What?”

Lightning's eyes were struck with pain.

“No no, please don’t worry. It won’t be long. Only a day or two. I think you just need a little time to yourself to relax. Don’t worry about me and Clover. Only worry about you.”

She smiled, and kissed him carefully on the cheek.

“Take care of yourself, Dash. For all of our sakes.”

Derpy turned away and left the room hastily, thankful that he didn’t respond. Her heart was still racing as the sound of her husband’s frightening voice echoed between her ears. He just needed a little help, she told herself, and he’d get a grip on his temper in no time. She thought of Color Flourish- emotional, unstable, beaten by Lightning’s words.

They both needed help.

~ ~ ~

Color Flourish’s mind was beginning to cave in on itself. She could no longer register the screams and cries coming from her mouth; all she knew was that she wanted her son in her embrace. She wanted to see that he was happy, but she knew he was not happy, nor was she able to see him. This was all she could compute. The most basic of maternal instincts was clawing at her heart, demanding she protect her foal, ordering that she keep him from feeling the pain she was feeling.

“She’s been calling out like this for over half an hour now,” the beige-coated watchpony reported as Derpy entered the observation deck in front of Color Flourish’s cell. Derpy nodded and silently watched the monitors as Color Flourish continued to wail Color Blotch’s name in between sobbing gasps. Derpy’s colleague joined her in quiet observation momentarily before speaking again.

“...What should we do?”

Derpy thought for a moment.

“...I can take care of it from here. Tell the next shift I’ll be in charge of the station for a while.”

“Yes ma’am.”

As the previous watchpony exited the room, Derpy contemplated communicating with Color Flourish, but decided against it. It might make things worse, and she didn’t quite have the authority to do so anyway. However, if it was true that Pastel Panic came out whenever Color Flourish was under significant stress, she could be showing up at any minute now. Derpy stayed to watch Color Flourish until her voice became so hoarse she could no longer cry.

~ ~ ~

Color Flourish, having dragged herself to a corner at the back of her cell, lay down on the floor and tried to invite rest to her eyes. Blotch had given up on her. He was everything. She was nothing without him, and so nothing she would be. She knew it was wrong, but she craved death. Her defeated mind offered no other options. No one needed her right now. Not even her son. He needed someone else, someone better to take care of him. Maybe this was for the best. Her eyes shut tightly now, hoping for death, pleading for punishment.

“ _ I honestly hate to stop you, but I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Flouri dearest. _ ”

Color Flourish’s eyes flashed back open. Not now. She couldn’t let her come back.

“ _ Killing ourselves, really? That seems a bit rash. It really is a shame you have to be suicidal when you feel like this. All the pain was getting quite delicious. _ ”

“ _ Go away _ ,” Color Flourish hissed.

Pastel Panic chuckled.

“ _ Oh Flourish, I can’t possibly leave now, not after gaining all this power you’ve just given me. _ ”

Color Flourish got up from the ground immediately.

“No. NO!”

Color Flourish’s abrupt shouting recaptured Derpy’s attention.

Pastel Panic’s cackle reverberated through Color Flourish’s head as she reared up and charged into the wall, slamming her horn against the surface as hard as she could.

“Go away! Go away,  _ go away _ ,  _ GO AWAY!!! _ ” she screamed, continuing to attempt to break her horn against the wall.

It was then that Derpy’s curiosity turned into panic. She slammed down on the intercom button.

“All guards in the vicinity to your stations!  _ Now! _ ”

Suddenly, the beige pony came galloping back into the room.

“Hooves, we can’t let her impair her own magic! The nightmare needs to take over!”

Derpy gave him an anxious look.

“But we’re not ready to implement that phase yet!”

“I’m sorry ma’am. Boss’s orders.”

She hesitantly reopened the intercom.

“Restrain her,” she commanded to the guards below. The magic supporting the previously solid cell window was shut off, allowing four guards to enter Color Flourish’s cell. She persisted in scraping her horn vigorously against the wall as they tried to pull her away.

Although a distinct crack had already snaked itself deep into Color Flourish’s horn, it was no use; she could feel the same sickening hot rush of flames course through her veins that she’d felt a week ago.

“Get back!” she warned. She knew it was too late.

“Please, I don’t want to hurt- nng- uaAAAUUGGHH!!!”

Color Flourish screamed as Pastel Panic entered her mind like a thousand needles into her brain. She could feel her sizzling power, her raging strength. This time, the transformation was more painful than ever before; she could feel fire, fire everywhere, singeing and scorching her fur and skin. The sensation of flames consumed her body, biting and burning steadily with no hope of stopping.

Derpy had never seen the full transformation before, and watched with terror as Color Flourish writhed in agony, eyes alight with flame and body shifting into a rangier figure.

The heat became unworldly, and Color Flourish felt herself evaporate little by little into nothing. Her consciousness dissolved and lay in the background as Pastel Panic’s arose.

Pastel Panic could feel the power tingling all throughout her body with glee. It felt so good to have so much  _ control _ … When her eyesight finally became clear enough to tell her that something was charging at her, she ducked out of the way and tried to gear up her magic.

“Ow! What-” Pastel winced and rubbed her forehead. The crack in her horn was just deep enough to keep her from manipulating it correctly.

“Damn you, Flourish…”

She may no longer have been able to put on her little magic show as she had originally planned, but it certainly wouldn’t stop her from showing off her physical strength. Pastel Panic galloped head-on at the nearest guard and jousted their shoulder violently, satisfied to hear a yelp as she went past.

“Pony down! We’ve got a pony down!” another guard shouted.

Three guards approached her, trying to trap her in the corner of the room. She gave a devilish giggle and was about to send them all flying across the room when suddenly an odd stinging in her flank caught her attention.

“Oh,  _ curses _ , not again!”

She turned around and attempted to seize the guard who had administered the sedative, but sleep began to overcome Pastel’s senses just in time for the guard to jump out of the way.

Derpy watched Pastel Panic’s motionless body with adrenaline still lingering in her veins. The guard who had been pierced by Pastel’s horn was bravely holding in her screams, but Derpy could tell as she was being carried away that the wound would not heal fully for a great deal of time. This monster had been in her own home. It could've been Lightning Dash who took an injury like that. Or worse, it could have been Clover. Derpy knew it was against protocol to allow her work to affect her personally, but nothing could stop her now from hating Pastel Panic with a scorching passion.

Next time, she thought. Next time she wouldn't allow any second chances.

 

She was going to erase her from  _ existence _ .


End file.
